I promise I won't let you down.

" I've always had a strong response to art. When I hear a sad song, I don't feel sorry for the singer. I don't feel sympathy. Instead it's more like I take on the singer's sorrow. It becomes mine, part of who I am. If a sad song touches me right, I can be sad for days. I hear a song full of sadness and hope, it fills me. Or some weird funk song says I know lately you've been melancholy and the word melancholy strikes a chord, hits my heart, speaks to me and I can't help but respond."


For me it's exactly the same with friendships. I do love my friends and I care for them. Whenever they have sorrows and they sare saf and they talk to me about it, their sorrows become mine. Sometimes that's hard and difficult but mostly it's a good character trait and something that I like about myself.

Beeing in between is a bad thing about it. Having two friends that talk to you at the same time with the same problem but different opinions...that's hard!




 I got my ear to the ground
That's the sound of my train comin' 'round.
This is a chance for us to be heard loud.
It's you and me,
And it's our time now.
Don't let me down!




just felt that I needed to tell you about this.

1 Kommentar 9.6.11 19:31, kommentieren


See you in another life.

1. I don't like today.

2. Lately I didn't really like myself.

3.I miss something - but haven't found out what, yet.




Missing something, someone. Just someone. There is someone that I need, but I don't know him. Because I haven't met him. Maybe I want to see Andi again. It's almost a year. Crazy.



Summer where are you? I need you. And Mr. Music.


When you turn around

I’ll be gone and I mean goodbye

I see you in another life

1 Kommentar 1.3.11 21:46, kommentieren

Monday morning.

It's actually not Monday, not even a morning. But I just heard "Monday Morning" by Melanie Fiona (btw she's so amazing ) and now I started to hear all the songs which are called "monday morning".

note to self : writing more about really good music!


Spring is slowly coming..I feel it. The sun shines so beautiful through my window that I think I'm gonna go for a walk later. Old times are always coming back


When I woke up a couple of days ago I noticed something. I'm torn. Not in a negative when you get what I wanna say. I'm in between...I just don't really know between what. The thing with him is through and there's not a knew one in sight, yet. It feels unknown not being in a crisis/catastrophy ..or whatever you wanna call it. There's room for new things and I should use this time to work on me

I feel really really good, the sun is the best thing for soooo long


Monday morning = new beginning?

1 Kommentar 8.2.11 16:14, kommentieren

Nothing to lose.

I was just thinking how I would call the entry today and I was like : 'Well I need a song that fits to my situation." And then I found "Nothing to lose" by Bret Michaels and somehow the title was perfect for today. Coincidence.


I often wonder what he's doing now, how he feels, if he's happy. With her. If she moves him, if they talk, if she's interested in his person like I was. If she asks him the same questions like I did and if their relation goes deeper. Questions and thoughts are circling through my head. I'm not sad, really. I don't even understand it, but that's just the way it goes.

He wrote me. He really did. It was just 'Hey what are you doing, bla bla..' But I was so happy and it was so nice I'm somehow not sad. I think alot, but I think I was never really sad..at least you can't compare it to last year.

But yesterday I thought I lost the necklace that he gave me. Well in fact I didn't but I thought it...and I CRIED. I don't know why but obviously I don't wanna lose any memory...The necklace means the world to me.


Right now I'm reading a book which is really spiritual. It's about a man who tries to find hisself by hiking through Spain. Somehow I can relate to his story.


Well anyway, I don't want him back. I am looking for new ones. Well I hope that's possible, but maybe still a little early. We'll see.



Won't you fall down on me
So close I can feel you breathe
Tonight in the darkness with nothing to lose
If the truth is all we can see
If I fall for you, could you fall for me.

1 Kommentar 6.2.11 13:53, kommentieren

A year without rain.

This stupid song is stuck in my head the entire day. Ew. I don't even like Selena Gomez - as a singer. It's all fake. Not just her. EVERYTHING. EVERYONE. But I can't help it - I'm looking her up. And hearing this stupid song. That's how it always works.


I'm missing you so much
Can't help it, I'm in love
A day without you is like a year without rain


It would be like a million years without rain - not that I counted or anything.

He has a girlfriend now - and surprise,surprise it's not me. I'm not sad, no really I'm not. I'm just...annoyed. That he's changing crushes like his clothes. Generally he's changing his mind alot - I've noticed that so far.


I thought about love, like the real love, alot the last time. What a person should mean to you til you say "I love you". Glad I didn't say it to him - it would have been a lie. Actually people say it way too early, like waaaaaay too early. Just sayin'.


I'm tired kinda. Yeah school is way too exhausting. And lame. Only thing I always wanna do is sleep.



The longer I'm listening to the song, the more I like it. Really. It has this  special melody. Maybe I will add it to my favorites.






1 Kommentar 20.1.11 20:18, kommentieren

How deep is your love?

It's new year. I should be so damn happy. But - surprise,surprise - I'm not. I'm an idiot. Probably the biggest idiot and sucker in the whole world. I DIDN'T WANTED YOUR LOVE DAMN! I really didn't wanted it. I was scared of you. And I was angry and annoyed by you. And now I can't imagine anything better than having your arms around me or your lips on mine. I'm dumb. Truely. It's official now : I AM DUMB! You said you love me. You said those three words I LOVE YOU. And I hated you for saying that. I'm such a stupid idiot. I think you deleted all my gustbook entrys. I guess, haven't found them. Why?

Why do you write me and then you don't answer on my response? Why? It's stupid. Like really. I know I hurt you. And I'm truely sorry for that. I wish I could turn back time. I wanna see you again. I wanna hung you, one last time. Will you let me?


Look what I wrote down in my diary for you

"One person's still missing. Well what can I say? You're amazing. My kinda #1 boyfriend. I'll never forget the time we had. It was simply amazingand I appreciate every bit of it. You were so nice to me even at the end. I appreciate that so much.. Of course I'm still sad and kinda angry. But you showed me how to forgive. The most important lesson this year...." (t was that stupid goodbye 2010 thing)


don't let it come to the end like that. please.

1 Kommentar 3.1.11 19:34, kommentieren

Never look back.

This year was one of the worst ever.


I lost alot. I can't even count what I lost. Too much. Way too much. The year is ending in 2 weeks. I never looked so forward to a new year. I can tell you in one sentence what was good in this year. And even those things are gone now. I needed him, more than anything. He is gone.

I did my sport for 10 years. It's gone. I loved our horsie..it'll be gone. Vaulting was my home. My shelter, my second family. I will never be there again.

What kind of a song will I write for this last year? It has to be the sadest song ever. But you know me. It won't be a sad song. It will be a song about hope and love and forgiveness. About going on, struggling and fighting. Fighting for the good. I found out alot about me and who I am or who I am going to be. Every song I wrote lately has this message in it, the message of hope and that everything will be ok. I know i'm becoming a very strong person.

Anyway. I'm sad and I don't want to lose all this. I want to be happy. Finally.

3 Kommentare 19.12.10 16:07, kommentieren